Does size matter to a man?
Scrolling through Facebook recently, I came across a post by a lady in a local dating group. She asked the group:
“Do guys really worry about a woman’s size? It’s not fair when they do. They don’t even get to know the girl, so I want to know, does size matter to you guys?”
This question generated lots of comments and lots of debate! Over 200 comments, in fact! A lot of men agreed or disagreed, justifying their responses. Some women replied, mostly agreeing that physical appearance does (but shouldn’t) matter, then sharing personal stories.
Many people agreed it’s unfair when only a person’s physical appearance is taken into account when determining their suitability.
What’s my answer to “Does appearance matter?”
“It depends.”
“On what?”, you ask? Well, many men are visual creatures who like what they see and like what they like. Some men prefer fit, athletic women. Some men prefer skinny women. Some men like women who fall in between. Some men like muscular women, or supermodel types. Some men are very particular about their preferences and won’t compromise because they place high value on looks, associating it with qualities like self-care, drive, and a focus on health.
Other men will compromise and consider other aspects of a person. Some are willing to give a woman outside their usual preferred look “a chance,” and some are not. While it’s common knowledge that women tend to be less concerned about appearance and more about how a man makes her feel, some women are also driven by the physical aspects of a man’s appearance and won’t compromise on what they want.
The main thing to remember is that there’s nothing wrong with what attracts you to another person. Attraction isn’t a choice. We can’t help who or what we are attracted to. Attraction is revealed, not developed. We can choose to compromise, and many people do. Being strict or flexible is OK, and as long as you are true to yourself, that’s what really matters. That’s my take on it.
As I read through the comments, I noticed the idea of “giving people a chance” generated the most debate. Many women couldn’t, or refused to, comprehend that some men won’t give them a chance if they didn’t like what they see. Some were really upset about it, saying he owes her a chance and should look past physical appearance to discover the person inside.
But the reality is, he doesn’t have to. Physical attraction is a value for some, and they’re not willing to compromise on what they want. He doesn’t owe anyone a chance, and it’s okay to have that mindset. It’s better to accept this and move on to find someone who appreciates you for who you are.
Honestly, ladies, accepting his mindset is preferable to getting upset about it or being aggressive towards people who feel that way.
Whatever you’re into is your business and provided it’s legal and morally acceptable in your culture, people can do what they want without having to justify it to anyone else and without owing anyone a chance. Everyone has their own criteria, and no one is obligated to get to know you just because you think they should. In fact, many women wouldn’t spend time with a man they aren’t attracted to either.
Looks, personality, life circumstances, and many other factors combine to make a person who they are and determine whether someone else is interested. If looks really matter to someone and you don’t fit what they like, they’re not obliged to spend time getting to know you. Forcing that issue wastes everyone’s time, and some people recognize that. By not spending time with you, they’re freeing you up to find someone who finds you physically attractive or who will compromise on looks to get to know you.
Another thing to consider is that giving someone a chance despite having no physical attraction can lead to misunderstandings and hurt feelings. The person might start believing they have a chance, and when you pull back, they may feel strung along.
I believe that someone who insists they’re owed a chance to “let their personality shine through” might have an immature and entitled approach to dating and relationships. Their need for compromise and compliance might run deeper than meeting new people and could remain a constant in other aspects of their relationships.
It’s a red flag that suggests the person demanding a chance is overly invested in others’ perceptions and opinions, or they focus on their rights to the detriment of others. They may have low self-esteem tied to their physical appearance due to upbringing, lifestyle, persistent rejection, or past relationship trauma. Or, they may be neglecting their physical appearance and feeling guilty about it, leading to rejection that reminds them of their own guilt. Some might truly believe personality makes up for it, and that’s fine. There are people who believe that, but not everyone does, and not everyone has to.
These individuals might be better off focusing on and improving themselves until they believe in their own self-worth rather than expecting others to compromise their values to get to know them.
Additionally, expecting others to compromise on their own values to “get to know you” is a losing game in the long term. People will lose respect and attraction for those who are willing to compromise their values to please others. While it might feel nice in the moment when someone compromises their values for you, what happens when that person compromises their or your values to please someone else, like their boss, their family, or your mother? You will feel an instant drop in attraction and start questioning their strength.
In conclusion, it’s important to respect personal preferences and values in dating. Attraction is subjective and personal, and everyone has the right to their own criteria. Being true to yourself and finding someone who appreciates you for who you are is what truly matters.
